


it's not blood it's a metaphor for love

by orphan_account



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Blood and Gore, Knives, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, Minor Character Death, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Serial Killer Thomas Jefferson, Stockholm Syndrome, i can't write gore why is this happening, maria lives with the schuylers, thomas is fucked up man
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-25
Updated: 2016-07-30
Packaged: 2018-07-18 02:47:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 9,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7296394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alex was so distracted by his surroundings that he barely noticed the footsteps echoing down the hallway. They were crisp and clean, a distinct purpose and beat to each step.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. the run and go - twenty one pilots

**Author's Note:**

> hello again friends! just a couple of things:  
> 1\. every chapter will be a song title. probably doesn't have anything to do with the chapter.  
> 2\. i have never written gore/bloody shit before! pardon me if this is really bad.  
> okay! that's all. this will be updated every other day, mainly to prevent me from getting tired of writing it. 
> 
> enjoy!!

As Alex's dreams faded away into a haze of grey, he slowly blinked his eyes open - wincing when the light from a single barred window above his head penetrated his vision. He kept his eyes shut for a moment, willing the spots of color to fade out, and then opened them. Slowly, his surroundings became clear to him. He was making his head spin by moving it around so much, but there was _so much_ to look at. It was a habit of Alex's to examine everythimg around him when placed in an unfamiliar situation. It distracted him from the panic bubbling in his chest, _Where am I? Am I alive? Where's John?_

_Bricks crusted with years of water damage._

_Bars of metal connecting from ceiling to floor._

_A bowl of water next to a bowl of a brown sludge._

_Chains linked to his wrists that connected to pegs on the wall behind him._

Alex pulled experimentally on the chains, shivering when the shackles on his wrists rubbed against his raw skin. He could see small spots where the skin had broken and blood had pooled. Actually, the blood had been dragged across his skin - two lines about as wide as his fingers tracing a path through it. As he pulled - more gently this time - on the chains, he noticed that they were fairly secure in the crumbling bricks. Slouching down in defeat, he looked at the bowls. Even if he _was_ hungry, he couldn't reach the bowls considering his hands were secured. 

Next, he examined his body. His long sleeved t-shirt sleeves had been torn off, another slash torn through the front of his shirt, connecting from his collar to the bottom hem. There was a line of blood between the slices of fabric, probably from a knife cutting his shirt. His pants were wrinkled, belt missing, and cut off at the knees. No shoes, just socks with holes in all the toes. His arms, legs, and chest were all bruised - _and_ probably his face, considering the dull throb in his cheek. His hair appeared to be tangled, ponytail half-heartedly holding his hair out of his face.

The hallway outside of his cell was made of the same crumbling brick, torches casting dim light into his cell combined with the brightness of the window. The hallway continued to his left and right, but he couldn't see anything except the wall directly in front of his cell.

Alex was so distracted by his surroundings that he barely noticed the footsteps echoing down the hallway. They were crisp and clean, a distinct purpose and beat to each step. Alex could hear humming from the person as well, and as the person came closer to his cell, the sense of panic he'd held off came flooding in.

_I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die, I wish I was dead, I'm gonna die..._

The person - a tall man with dark skin, thick lips, chocolate colored curly hair, a ridiculous purple button down shirt with black pants, and _high heels?!_  - when he'd rounded the corner, took in the sight of Alex. Again, Alex had that feeling of _I know you, but I don't_... but couldn't put a name to his face.

There wasn't really anything threatening about a small, panicked man who was binded by chains to a wall, however. It made the man laugh for a moment. Alex looked at him funny.

"What are you laughing at, you bag of dicks? Think it's all _good fun_ to tie up people who _actually have lives_ and leave them to starve in a dark, dank cell, all alone?" Alex spat out in one breath.

"Well, aren't _you_ just a ray of sunshine?" The man sneered. "Name's Thomas. And you should be _thankful_ , really. You could be the one with a knife protruding out of your ear, just _waiting_ for what comes next." 

Alex visibly paled and swallowed loudly. He choked out a laugh. "Ha, yeah, I guess I should be thankful _, Thomas_." Alex said nervously, still adding a spit of anger to Thomas' name.

Thomas frowned and pulled a key from his pocket, unlocking Alex's cell. Alex's panic only increased as Thomas walked towards him, unlocking the cuffs quickly and harshly. Alex rubbed his sore wrists as soon as Thomas had stood back up, only to be grabbed by one and pulled to his feet. Alex's vision blurred and his thoughts swam as he was pulled along the hallway - to the right - by Thomas. He could hear Thomas mumbling, and Alex was only released for a couple of seconds as Thomas had to unlock another door.

When the door was unlocked, Thomas quickly turned back to Alex, grabbing his wrist. "If you make _one sound_ , I was cut off your dick and _skin it_ , you understand?"

"Yes, sir." Alex said. The " _sir_ " had come naturally, and Thomas stood ram rod straight when it had been said. Alex took note of this as he was dragged through the door by Thomas. 

As soon as Alex was through the door, it was shut, and he was manhandled into a chair. Bonds of thick, calloused rope were tied around Alex's hands, increasing the pain in his raw wrists. He groaned, and was slapped harshly by Thomas, a hand gripping his chin.

"Do you _want_ to be in his position?" Thomas whispered angrily, leaning in close to Alex's face. Alex hadn't even noticed the man in the corner.

He had shaved hair, similar clothes to Alex - except that he was wearing no shirt, and a rubber ball secured in his mouth, silencing his whimpering. His arms were secured by rope and chains surrounded his neck, secured to the back wall.

The room itself was similar to Alex's cell, muddy bricks and a single window. There were knives laid out across a small metal cart, and needles hung on the wall. A closet door was behind Alex.

" _Answer me_." Thomas huffed.

"No, _sir_." Alex whimpered, and he caught the hitch in Thomas' breath as he purred the last word. Thomas' cheeks flushed red as he stepped away from Alex, approaching the man in the far corner.

"Now," Thomas said, "this is Aaron. He has a _life_ , too - isn't that _exciting_?" Thomas said, with a flare of fake excitement tinting his voice. "And lucky for Aaron, he has no friends _or_ family to worry about him! No one will even know he's missing." Thomas says with a glint in his eyes. Aaron struggled fruitlessly against his bindings, Thomas laughing as he slipped on rubber gloves and picks up a small, red-handled knife. He grabs a bucket, too, and fills it with a little bit of water from a sink by the closet behind Alex.

Alex watches, helpless, as Thomas saunters back over to Aaron. He situates the bucket under Aaron's chest, practically setting the bucket in his lap. Thomas gives the knife a quick once-over with a liquid in a small spray bottle, then positions it right above the left side of Aaron's chest.

The initial pressure of the knife cuts a shallow line across Aaron's chest, and Aaron stills suddenly, aware of what's happening. He stops struggling and decides to make eye contact with Thomas as the man holds the knife. Thomas sneers and applies more pressure, peeling away a bit more skin. Blood has begun to pool at the corners of the cut, running down Aaron's chest and into the bucket when too much gathers at the edges. Aaron whimpers as the knife continues down his chest, then turns and finishes the cut, a small square of skin falling into Thomas' open palm. He smiles and turns away for a moment to a sheet of plastic he has laid out beside him. Thomas smooths the skin on the plastic, rubbing away any bumps of air.

Alex was on the verge of throwing up. The meat under Aaron's skin is raw and oozing blood, pink and mushy. Aaron's crying silently now, trying not to reveal to Thomas that he's scared. The salty tears run quickly down his face and mingle with the blood and sweat on his chest, stinging slightly. 

Thomas turns back to Aaron and repeats his motions on Aaron's right side of his chest. The cut is smoother now, after Thomas had warmed up for a little bit, and the skin slides more smoothly off of Aaron's chest. When those two patches of skin have been removed, Thomas _tsks_ and runs his fingers across Aaron's cheek, smearing the blood from his gloves.

Thomas notices the tears suddenly and smirks, standing up tall beside Aaron. "Are we going to have a problem here?" He pauses, grabbing a hold of Aaron's scalp. "You were doing so well, too." Thomas says sadly. 

" _I'll just have to shut you up, won't I_?"

He shoves Aaron's head against the wall, ignoring his paling face to grab another knife from the metal cart. Thomas turns back and holds Aaron's head against the wall this time, balancing two knives in one hand. He removes the ball gag, too. With one knife, he teases it along Aaron's now tightly closed lips, humming in satisfaction when Aaron opens up. Thomas gently slid the flat edge of the knife along his tongue, pushing down slightly on the very edge of Aaron's tongue. A bead of blood popped up and slid down Aaron's tongue, pooling at the tip and extending into a long chain of drool.

As Alex watches, Thomas removes the knife from Aaron's mouth and lowers it down his chest. Alex has to look away as Thomas slowly pierces Aaron's chest - the spot with the raw skin - on the left side and right side with the two knives. This causes more blood to ooze from the two wounds, and Aaron tried to scream as the ball gag is placed back in his mouth.

Thomas left the knives in and walked toward Alex, discarding his gloves in a trash can under the metal cart. He grabbed Alex's chin and leaned down, connecting their lips. Alex jerked away but quickly relaxed, moaning, Thomas taking the chance to slip his tongue inside Alex's mouth. As Alex fought back with his own, Thomas smiled and closed his other hand around Alex's neck. Alex gasped, leaning back in the chair as far as he could, baring more of his neck. Thomas held his head down now, kissing him once more, deeply and roughly, before pulling away. Alex whimpered, and Thomas looked down at him, a lazy, satisfied smile painting his face.

Aaron was still in the corner, crying with two knives protruding from his chest. However, he was making no noise, as the gag prevented that. Thomas turned to look at him for a second, then turned back to Alex. He leaned in close and whispered, "Can you promise you won't leave if I untie you?" 

Alex paused for a moment, letting his mind scream at him, _No! No! Say no to this! This man's a fucking serial killer! You have a BOYFRIEND!!_

Alex nodded.

_What the fuck are you thinking, you idiot?! Thomas is going to KILL YOU! What about John, you dumbass?_

"Excellent." Thomas purred. He reached behind Alex, letting his lips brush Alex's neck, to untie to knots. After a minute he cursed, and pulled out another knife. The bonds were cut away and when Alex looked at them, he could see blood stains where his wrists had been. Thomas gently picked him up, bridal style, and kicked open the door with his foot. Alex leaned into Thomas' shoulder, and as they walked away from the room, Alex found that Aaron's whimpering soothed him into a relaxing state of sleeping. 

Alex couldn't see, but Thomas was smiling happily as he carried him to his bedroom, eyes twinkling.


	2. therapy - tick, tick...BOOM!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a little look in thomas' life and how he got alex.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is short! woops
> 
> also i changed/added a couple of things in the first chapter so maybe you should re-read that before reading this! thanks friends

Thomas was always the neglected child. Wherever he went, all he heard was, "Look at what your sister _Anna_ did! Look at _Anna_ , going off to college! Well, when _Anna_ was in middle school _she_ was better at math than you were!" Maybe this is what turned Thomas on to this lifestyle of torturing and killing people who had _friends_ , who had _lives_ , who had _families_ that _cared._  

But, there _was_ something that drew Thomas to Alex when he initially saw him. Something in him that wasn't in Aaron, or anyone else he'd had, for that matter. He'd seen Alex at a Barnes  & Nobles, flipping through a biography of Lin-Manuel Miranda. Alex had had his hair held back with a pen bun, oversized cardigan over a t-shirt and jeans. He was wearing thick, black-framed glasses that sat too low on his nose. 

And -  _damn -_  was he cute. Thomas didn't want to admit it, but for a second he had considered leaving the cute man alone. Then he decided to take him, but not hurt him. Thomas didn't think he could stand seeing the small man cry.

Examining his surroundings, Thomas eventually noticed a small cup of water sitting on the shelf behind Alex. _Perfect_. Walking behind that shelf, Thomas quickly slipped a little of his own _erase-your-memory_ shit into the drink, then tapped gently on Alex's shoulder.

Alex looked up, startled, then turned around and noticed Thomas. Alex smiled, then frowned. "Who are you?"

"Oh! I'm Thomas." Thomas smiled, placing his hand outstretched in front of himself.

"Alex." He said, shaking Thomas' hand warily. "What do you need?"

"Just wondering where you found that book you were looking at." 

"First shelf around the corner." Alex said, taking a sip of his drink.

"Oh. Thanks!" Thomas said, walking away happily. He didn't see, but Alex was still staring at Thomas as he walked away. Something about the man seemed, _off_ ,to Alex.

When Thomas was around the corner, he pulled his phone out and (with minimal searching, damn) found Alex on twitter. He was a student at the local college, taking Political Science and was a part of the debate team. He also had a strange obsession with the founding fathers. Weird.

Anyways, Thomas had found his next victim. The only other step was to _attack_.

\---

Alex's phone was ringing on his bedside table. Groaning, he forced himself to roll over and grab it.

_turtle shit_ , followed by multiple heart emojis.

Ah. John.

"Hello?" Alex said sleepily into his phone.

_"Hey! It's John. Just wondering if you wanted to get some drinks tonight at that bar outside of campus."_

"Would love to, but I was in the middle of a nap and was having a _very_ interesting dream about Spring Awakening and a founding fathers crossword puzzle."

_"Sorry. Tell me later, then. Bye!"_

"Bye, John. Love you, babe."

_"Love you, too. Mwah."_

"Mwah."

Alex heard John hang up, then, giving up on his nap, opened twitter. 

_3 New Followers_

Some tumblr girl, someone else he didn't know, and a guy named Thomas. That last guy sounded familiar, but Alex couldn't place a finger on it. Whatever. 

As he got lost in twitter, another two hours had passed. It was 5:00PM now, and he figured he should start getting cleaned up. They weren't getting drinks until later, but knowing Alex, he would get distrcated by some video on YouTube and forget to shave half his face. It happened - don't ask how.

Pulling another one of his soft cardigans out of his closet, he also selected a pair of grey jeans and boots. Ever since he'd met John, his wardrobe had since become more fashionable. Along with Lafayette and Hercules. And Eliza. And all his friends who cared _way_ more about how they looked than he did. 

Checking the clock again, it was now 6:30PM. He left John a text, _see you soon babe x_ , and headed out the door, down the stairs, and out of his dorm building. It was nearly dark, but still light enough to see the sidewalks. He passed small student-run cafes, waving to his friend, Peggy, inside one of them. His phone buzzed, and he read the sappy text from John, smiling.

Until he was not smiling. As Alex passed the opening of an alley, someone grabbed his wrist and pulled him in. Alex yelped, but was shushed by a hand closing over his mouth. The person's other hand was holding Alex's wrists behind his back. They slowly dragged Alex farther into the dark tunnel, Alex's thrashing and struggling eventually slowing down as he tired himself out.

When the person had dragged him far enough, a towel covered his mouth, black spots forming in his vision. That was the last thing Alex remembered before completely blacking out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact: i did have a dream two nights ago involving a crossword puzzle with questions about thomas jefferson, and a choir singing left behind from spring awakening.


	3. one song glory - rent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> alex sees a side of thomas he wasn't expecting.

Alex didn't _love_ Thomas, really. Sure, he was _cute_ , and _sexy_ , and made Alex want to bend over a table... but, _no_ , he didn't love Thomas. Love is the kind of word you use when you meet your soulmate, someone you would take a bullet for. _Love_ was reserved for John - and John only. Alex couldn't imagine loving Thomas, not after watching him slice someone up like a piece of meat.

All this was running through Alex's mind as he lay in Thomas' arms, in a comfortable state of not-sleeping-but-not-awake-either. Alex could still hear Aaron's crying; faintly, as Thomas carried him through this elaborate underground series of hallways and cells. The clicking of Thomas' shoes kept Alex latched on to reality and kept him from slipping into sleep; something he didn't want to happen. If he fell asleep, then he wouldn't know what's happening or what Thomas was doing to him. 

"I won't hurt you, you know." Thomas said.

 _Shit_. Had he said that all out loud?

"I won't do anything to John, either. He'll be sent an anonymous letter explaining where you are."

"Are you keepng me forever?"

No response. Thomas continued carrying Alex for a while longer, pausing occasionally to check on Alex, _Are you cold? Are you sick? Need a drink?_

Sadly, it only made Alex more relaxed and trust Thomas _more_. Which is the exact _opposite_ of what he wanted to happen. 

Eventually they reached another large, wooden door, more sets of hinges and locks on this one than the door to the "killing room", as Alex was calling it. Thomas - somehow, holy _shit_  - used his heels to open the door. It swung open a second later. Alex opened his eyes momentarily to examine the new hallway. It was a stairwell, and the walls were covered in drywall, painted a light purple. The hardwood steps were dark and polished. A banister hung on the side, the same dark wood as the steps. The stairwell went directly forward, and Alex could see electric lights up above.

Thomas stepped into the stairwell, flipping the door closed before walking up. Alex had to blink a few times to let his eyes adjust, and what he saw surprised him.

They were in a hallway. To his left, he saw a kitchen, state-of-the-art and polished like a mirror. There was a bathroom to his right, grey with accents of purple and blue. The living room/dining room up ahead was clean as well, long table able to seat up to eight people. Alex couldn't imagine Thomas having that many (if any) friends, but it was neat nonetheless. The living room was three couches and some beanbags surrounding a large TV mounted on the wall, gaming systems of all kinds lined up below it. It was an elegant house, fit for a family with multiple children. _That_ surprised Alex.

"Why is your house so... _big_?" Alex said, yawning.

Thomas laughed quietly before putting Alex down, quickly grabbing one of his hands. The contact sent a tingle down Alex's spine. "I live alone, but you might as well live in luxury if you can afford it." 

"I would've thought your killing chamber downstairs would've cost enough. Where do you work?"

"I don't." Thomas replied simply. "My mother passed away; not that she ever loved me-" He grumbled under his breath, "-but she did leave me a good sum of money."

"Lucky you." Alex said quietly. "Your mother passed away?"

"Yeah." _Why are you telling this to a stranger?_ "A couple of years ago."

A pause. "My dad left when I was ten and my mother died when I was twelve."

"Sorry to hear that."

"It's fine. I have John and Eliza and... and-" Alex sniffled and tried to hold back the tears that were now coasting down his face. A choked sob wretched itself from his throat and he pulled his hand out of Thomas' grip, hugging both his arms around his body. He turned away from Thomas. "M' sorry." Alex mumbled. 

"It's fine." Thomas said softly, walking into the kitchen. It scared him for a moment that he trusted Alex not to leave and find help. Thomas shook his head to clear his thoughts, pulling a pudding cup out of the cabinet. He grabbed a spoon, too, and walked back to Alex. He wordlessly handed him the cup and spoon, a mumbled "thank you" spilling from Alex's mouth. Thomas nodded, directing Alex towards the living room.

He handed him the remote. "You can watch TV, if you want."

"Where's my phone?" Alex blurted.

Thomas took a deep breath. "I have it."

"Okay." Alex said, turning the TV on. He flipped to the History Channel, some documentary about the American Revolution on. It was showing the painting of Chris Jackson and his men crossing the Delaware River on Christmas. Alex hummed happily. Thomas stood there for a moment before sitting beside Alex. Alex flinched, scooting a little bit away from Thomas. 

After an hour, Alex was curled up beside Thomas, Thomas' arm behind Alex's head. And Alex couldn't come up with a reason to move away from him. Sure, he tortured people to relieve stress and because his mother didn't love him, but he also tried to make Alex feel as comfortable as possible _even though_ he could _literally_ do whatever he wanted to Alex. He could leave him tied up, upside down, all the blood rushing to his head. He could leave a knife embedded in Alex's chest, but not deep enough to reach any major organs.

Thomas had Alex strung up like a puppet, and Alex couldn't say he didn't enjoy it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh, how the tables have tabled.


	4. downside of me - chvrches

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a letter comes! ohhhh bOoOoOy

_Dear John and Acquaintances of Alexander Hamilton,_

_You may have noticed that exactly one week ago, your Alexander had mysteriously... disappeared. He is not dead, he is not dying, and he is not in some government holding cell on the border of Mexico and the United States. He is with me. We're gonna call me The Purple Crusader. I can assure you that Alex is not necessarily "unhappy" with his current situation, but he does miss you all dearly. Especially John, he says. He talks about you a lot._

_Anyways, there is no need to worry about where Alexander is. He is safe, he is (mostly) sane, and he is alive._

_Au revoir,_

_The Purple Crusader_

\---

John stared at the paper for a full minute before looking up and assessing his friends (The Schuylers, Laf, Herc, Maria, and Theo) in front of him. They were all looking at him, waiting for an explanation. John noticed that Theodosia was twitching slightly, but ignored it.

"So," John said. "Alex is with this "Purple Crusader" guy - what an _asshole_ name - and he is safe? I guess? He says "there is no need to worry" but I'm pretty _fucking_ worried."

"Can I see it?" Theo asks. John hands it to her, and she looks at it for two seconds before handing it to Eliza and grabbing her purse from where it was sitting beside her. She rummaged until she pulled out an envelope. Inside was a piece of paper, folded crisply and neatly. Theo took the letter back from Eliza, comparing the two before gasping and looking up. 

"It's the same guy who took Aaron."

\---

"Alex, do you want pretzals or popcorn?" Thomas called from the kitchen. Alex was in the living room picking out a movie to watch.

"Both?" Alex said, phrasing it like a question.

"Good idea." Thomas said, pouring a mix of both foods into a large bowl. He carried it out to the living room along with two bottles of soda, sitting down while Alex popped the movie in. "What'd you pick?" Thomas asks when Alex sits back down beside him, curling into Thomas' side.

"Rent, but it's the version they filmed on Broadway." Alex says as he struggles to open his bottle.

"Of course." Thomas said, taking the bottle and opening it for Alex, Alex huffing a small "thank you" before focusing on the TV.

" _The phone rings!"_ Mark says, as Thomas' phone really does ring. Alex groans, and Thomas reaches for his phone, looking at the ID. Some number from in town.

"Let me take this, Alex." Thomas says, standing up. Alex whines, but continues watching the movie.

"Hello?" Thomas says as soon as he's in the kitchen.

"Is this-" a crinkling of paper, "-The Purple Crusader?"

Thomas freezes, heart hammering faster. _Think fast, think fast._ "I cannot say I'm familiar with the name, no. Who is this?"

"Unimportant, it's just that this _Purple Crusader_ guy kinda... stole my boyfriend? And this guy's all like " _there's no need to worry_ " but I'm pretty worried. Sorry for rambling, stranger."

"It's fine. Have a good day."

"You too." The man hung up and Thomas released the breath held in his chest. _How the fuck did they find my number?_ he thought. Maybe since they believe it's not him, they won't call back.

" _Thomas_." Alex whines from the couch.

"Coming!" Thomas calls, trying to push the thoughts out of his head.

"Who was it?" Alex asked as Thomas settled himself back on the couch.

"Nothing, just someone looking for someone else. I tried to help as best I could."

Alex nodded, looking back to the TV.

\---

John pulled the phone away from his ear. "He said it wasn't him."

"Bullshit." Theo said. "That's _got_ to be him."

"How are you so sure?" Eliza asked.

"Because along with this letter, I got a call, too. Can't believe he'd be that dumb to give his phone number to me, but whatever. Did he sound nervous at all?"

"He sounded like Alex that time he broke all the mugs in the break room because he couldn't reach the shelf and knocked them all down excpet one."

"Then he's probably nervous." Theo finished.

There was a pause. Peggy spoke up. "What do we do now?"

"I don't know." Angelica said. "But we're getting Alex back." Theo looked at her. "And Aaron." Angie finished.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello hello hello!
> 
> i actually won't be back (updating fics anyways) until JULY 7 because i will be out of town for fourth of july shit and then immediantly going to a music camp for three days. i will try to update priceless on july 7, and update this on july 8.
> 
> the schedule from then on will be priceless on the 9, this on the 10, and so on and so on.
> 
> i hope you all have a lovely weekend and as always comment are gREAT because they make me wanna write!
> 
> <3333


	5. muscle memory - lights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> everything goes to hell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this update schedule is so fucked up i apologize
> 
> also dubious consent in this chapter if that bothers you at all

"Can I talk to John?" Alex asked the next day. Thomas was spread across the couch, scrolling lazily through Twitter. Thomas' eyes flicked up and crinkled.

"Why?" Thomas asked, sitting up and laying his phone on the coffee table beside a plate of Nutella and strawberries.

Alex twiddled his thumbs, blushing and looking at the floor. "I miss him. He's my boyfriend, you know?" _Slow your heartbeat, Alex, damn._

"I know." Thomas said. A breath. "I'll think about it. Can you get me a butter knife from the kitchen for this?" He said, gesturing to the food.

"Yeah." Alex said, glad to have something to do.

\---

"Thomas?" Alex asked that evening. "Did you think about it?" He was peeking around the doorway of the kitchen.

Thomas looked up from where he was slicing carrots on the countertop. "Still thinking. Be patient, Alex." He said, a tone of anoyance evident in his voice.

"Sorry." Alex whispered, shuffling out of the kitchen, predictable guilt sinking into his gut.

\---

Alex looked around the house the next morning, trying to find Thomas. He wasn't in the kitchen or living room, and Alex had been told not to go in the basement. 

"Thomas?" Alex called, peeking into the dining room. 

"Yes?" Alex heard behind him. A door opened and closed and Alex turned around to see Thomas wearing a bloodied apron. Alex flinched. "Sorry." Thomas said, remebering what he was wearing. He scrubbed a hand over his face, scratching at the untamed stubble. "What do you need?"

"Did you th-" Alex started, looking up hopefully.

Thomas threw his hands in the air. " _Enough with John_!" Thomas said, raising his voice. "If you don't _shut up_ , you'll never talk to him - or _anyone_ - again!"

Alex's jaw dropped, but he quickly closed it, eyes falling. "Sorry."

Thomas took a deep breath. _Calm. Down_. "It's fine. Just... stop asking. _Please_."

"Okay." Alex said, slipping past Thomas to go sit on the couch.

Thomas ran a hand through his hair, watching Alex curiously sip the tea Thomas had left on the coffee table. He made a face, and Thomas smiled - it was bittersweet, however. Alex would never love a man like him. It was stupid to even think those kind of things.

Thomas sighed, walking through the house, back into the basement. Shutting the heavy door behind him, female screams echoed through the long, brick corridor. He untensed his shoulders and took a deep breath, heels clicking down the hallway.

\---

"Thanks, officer." Angelica set her phone down on the arm of the chair and closed her eyes, leaning back into the plush pillows. 

"Well?" John asked. He tried not to sound impatient, but it was Alex's _life_ on the line, and everyone knew that.

"They're gonna track his phone number." Angie mumbled. "It should be simple enough."

"Thank,  _God_." Lafayette breathed, leaning on Hercules. Laf mumbled something in French and John nodded. 

"It'll be okay, Laf." John said, laying a hand on Laf's head, petting the curls where they were pulled together in the back.

"Can I punch this dick who took Alex?" Peggy asked, punching a fist into her palm.

"No." Eliza and Angie said at the same time. Peggy pouted, leaning forward in her chair to rest her chin on her hands.

"What time is it?" Maria asked after a moment, looking at her phone. " _Damn_ , 2:00AM."

"John? You wanna stay with us again tonight?" Hercules asked, standing to help Lafayette up.

John nodded. "Thanks."

"No problem." Lafayette said.

The boys waved their goodbyes to the Schuylers and Maria, stepping into the cold hallway outside the apartment. Lafayette shivered and whined, Herc wrapping an arm around him.

John wished Alex were here to hold him. 

\---

Thomas looked down to his side. Alex was sleeping, curled up beside him on his bed, blanket half-heartedly splayed across his body. They were both in pajamas, TV quietly playing some movie that Alex picked out. A bowl of popcorn covered in sprinkles sat on the bedside table, two cups beside it. Alex's was empty, Thomas' half full. They had been drinking some sweet, alcoholic drink.

And Thomas had a boner.

He tried to steady his breathing and keep his legs still, Alex's side dangerously close to his crotch. Alex twitched and shifted himself up onto Thomas' lap, hip fully over Thomas' crotch. Thomas' breath hitched and his hips involuntary bucked, the friction against his pants just what he needed. 

He moaned, one of Alex's eyes opening. The eye followed down Thomas' chest to his erection, flicking back up to Thomas and blinking once.

"I'm sorry-" Thomas sat up and pushed Alex away, "-this is awkward, I'm gonna leav-"

"Thomas." Alex said forcefully, grabbing one of Thomas' wrists. "Are you okay?"

"Umm, ah... no." Thomas said slowly. "I don't know if you noticed-"

"I noticed." Alex said lowly. "Do you need some help?"

"You have a boyfriend." Thomas said, stuttering.

"That I do." Alex said, raising an eyebrow. "He doesn't need to know."

Thomas pulled his wrist away. "No, no- you were drinking, you don't _really_ want this-"

Alex straddled Thomas. "I _want_ this, babe." He reached a hand between them and dragged it over Thomas' clothed erection,  a whimper spilling from Thomas' mouth. "And I think you do, too."

\---

Thomas eyes flicked open when he heard loud knocking coming from the front door. It was dark in his bedroom, Alex's body half covered by the blanket. They were both naked, and a strange stain was on the blanket as well.

 _We had sex. Oh, **no** , we had sex_. Thomas thought, jumping out of bed, remembering the door. Alex grumbled, and Thomas shushed him, petting his hair until his breathing evened out. He grabbed some sweatpants (His or Alex's? Who knows.) and slipped on a t-shirt from his dresser. He shivered when his feet hit the cool hardwood, moving quickly to the door. He fumbled with the handle for a second, and when he opened it he paled.

Two officers, man and woman, flashing badges to his face. Handcuffs in the woman's other hand, the man's hand behind his back. "Is this the residence of Thomas Jefferson?" The man spoke.

"Me." Thomas said, sighing. He noticed two young people behind the officers, wearing simple clothes.

"And you possess the man Alexander Hamilton?" The woman said, unlocking the handcuffs.

A pause, then a slump of his shoulders. "Yes."

"You're coming with us, sir." The woman said, waving the cuffs. The man flipped his badge closed and tucked it away, using his hands to turn Thomas around and allow the woman to cuff him.

"Thomas!" Alex called, running though the house. He was wearing Thomas' shirt and swetpants. Thomas pursed his lips and looked down. "What's happening? Where are you going?" 

"Alex?" Someone behind Thomas said. Must be one of the two young people. The officer let go of Thomas, apparently not worried that he might try and, _leave_ , or something.

"J-John?" Alex whimpered. "Oh my, _God_ , John." He ran to the man, pushing past Thomas and embracing the man, broken sobs coming from both of them. The girl eventually joined Alex and John, and they became a puddle of tears and emotion.

Thomas watched sadly. He knew in the end that Alex would never love him. He knew there would always be someone better then himself. Which is why he wasn't surprised when the three people didn't bat an eyelash when Thomas was closed inside the police car with the male officer, pulling out of the driveway and away to the station.

Then he let himself cry.

\---

After a couple of minutes, the three people broke away and wiped away their tears. Alex and John were holding hands, Eliza smiling uncontrollably.

The female officer coughed and began talking. "We're gonna need to ask you some questions about what happened here, but if I collect some contact info from you we can talk later."

"Yesh! Sure, sure." Alex said, telling the lady what she needed. 

"Thanks. Have a good night." She said, then paused. "Is there anything here you need?"

"My phone." Alex remembered. "Can I look for it?"

" _Technically_ , this is a crime scene, but I'll look and see if I find anything for you." She said quietly, smiling.

"Thank you so much." Alex said, turning to John again. He smiled at him, and John smiled back, Eliza _awweing_ in the background.

"This is _very_ cute, but I'd love to go home." Eliza said. Alex and John nodded - Alex pausing suddenly. 

"What is it?" John asked.

"Uh - nothing, babe, don't worry about it." Alex said quickly. 

John squeezed his hand and led him away from the house to the car he and Eliza had driven here. "If you say so."

Alex didn't have the heart to tell John that he already missed Thomas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> update schedule for this AND priceless: whenever i can.
> 
> i've been travelling heavily and it SUCKS because i can't update, so updates are when i can/when i feel like it.
> 
> thanks for reading!! comments are always great fam


	6. that would be enough - hamilton

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> thomas is in prison oH nOoOoOoOoooooOoooOooo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ! this ! is ! short ! sorry !
> 
> also i didn't read this for errors yikes

The events leading up to where Thomas was now blurred together from getting into the car at his house last night and being shoved into his cell today. The bricks making up the wall were a neutral tan color, the bars at the front of the cell rusted and loose from being opened and closed over and over again. He felt that if someone strong enough were in here they could easily rip them away from their bindings. Thomas was wearing a garish-looking orange jumpsuit with heavy black boots, his hair tied back for the first time in his life. 

He had no cellmates - thank, _God_ , it'd be all trip to hell and back trying to explain why he was here - and he sat alone at the mealtimes where everyone was herded into a large cafeteria-style room. There were rows of long tables and a couple of small, round ones in the corners, which is where he sat, munching on his gruel and stale bread. 

At night he curled up on his cot and fell asleep to his neighbor's singing. They had a soft and smoothvoice, like caramel, and it helped him to relax and unwind, releasing the anxiety in his chest over the fear of being, _beaten up_ , or something like that.

Thomas had hoped that maybe Alex would visit, they could talk about what happened and maybe renconcile and become friends. Then he laughed at himself. What would Alex want with him, anyways? Yeah, Alex hadn't been absolutely terrified of him while he'd been with Thomas, but Thomas thought that maybe once he saw his friends again - John and Eliza, right? - he would snap out of it and realize how nasty, terrible, worthless, and unimportant Thomas was to him.

If his own mother treated him that way, he wouldn't expect a man he'd know for all of a week or so to even spare a passing thought about him.

\---

Thomas had finally settled into a routine: wake up and tie his hair back (showered only when necessary), slip on his boots and listen to his neighbor's singing for a while (their name was James, he learned after asking one day), then they would leave their cells together and get breakfast (James sat with him now). Thomas and James, along with everyone else, would then be split into groups to do various projects. They usually ended up in the same group. Lunch, more work, and then dinner. After that - sleeping. Sometimes they would stay up late talking about random shit - James was here because he was deemed "a danger to people", apparently he'd been in a mental institute but they refused to deal with him anymore - but most nights they fell asleep fairly quickly, James singing a song or three to calm Thomas down.

This was life for Thomas. And it fucking _sucked_.

Apparently in prison, there are still the petty _popular_ and _jock_ groups, plus the nerds, the crazies, the emos, and so on. There were also the people who _loved_ being dicks to everyone else - James called them the Secretly Gay Guys which made Thomas laugh. They would beat people up, flip lunch trays, but nothing was done about it because it's fucking _prison_.

And nothing gets done in prison.

\---

Surprisingly enough, Thomas awoke one day to a guard rattling the bars to his cell. "Rise and shine, pumpkin. You have a visitor."

Thomas bolted up, regretting that decision when his head pounded. He'd had a killer headache for a couple of days, only remedied by James' singing. He slipped into his boots, tying his hair up (out of order, he realized - he felt like he was forgetting something for a second), and exiting the cell, following the guard down the corridor to the meeting spaces at the end of the hall.

"Here. Ten minutes." The guard said, pointing at a door labeled R5. Thomas thanked her and enetered the room, trying to imagine who was here for him. A therapist, maybe? He turned to close the door, quickly facing forwards to finally see who was there.

_Fuck_.

Alex. He looked sickly and pale (like James), wearing an oversized sweater with _Laurens_ printed on the sleeve. His jeans had holes in the knees, old tennis shoes worn from wear and tear. "Hey." He whispered, looking at the floor.

"Hi?" Thomas said, voice going higher at the end, phrasing it like a question. "Why are you here?" _Come on, Thomas, that was just plain rude._

Alex smiled for a second before looking up at Thomas. "To see you, _duh_. How's prison life?"

_Is he serious?_ "Are you serious?" Thomas asked, surprised. "You show up at _prison_ to see me - it's been _two weeks,_ Alex - and you expect me to talk about _prison life?_ " He threw his hands up and finally sank into one of the hard plastic chairs around a table in the middle of the room.

Alex blushed. "Sorry. I just... wanted to see you." He finished. "And apologize about our last night together."

Thomas remembered. _Sweaty bodies, swollen lips, hot hands on his stomach, on his cock, Alex bouncing up and down in his lap, moaning as his release painted Thomas' chest, Thomas groaning as he came inside Alex, sitting there for a couple of minutes before pulling out and Alex asking if Thomas had any toys so he could keep his release inside him..._

"Thomas?" Alex asked. Thomas blinked, snapping out of his fantasy. "Thomas." Alex said. "I said I'm sorry."

"Oh, Uh - I mean, I should've tried harder to stop you, but you had your mouth on me and-"

"Okay, okay - _stop_." Alex said, holding his hand up in front of his chest. "I get the point. We're _both_ at fault."

"Yeah." They sar in silence for a minute more before they both spoke at once.

"I wanna go to therapy-"

"I'm still dating John-"

A pause. Alex quickly started up again, spluttering and talking _too damn fast_. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't've brought it up, that was awkward-"

"Alexander!" Thomas said forcefully, ignoring the constricting pain in his chest. "It's _fine_. You deserve to be happy."

Alex didn't say anything in response for a minute. "Therapy?"

"Yeah. I... I wanna get better. For myself." He lied. 

"That's good. I'd love to go with you, if it'd help at all." Alex said.

"Yeah. That'd be good." Thomas said quietly. "I'll see what I can get arranged."

"And I'll come visit more often." Alex said.

"You don't _have_ t-"

"I _want_ to." Alex said, shushing Thomas when he opened his mouth again. "No _ifs, ands,_ or _buts_ about it."

The guard knocks before opening the door. "Time to go." They say gruffly. Alex reaches to hug Thomas, while Thomas simply turns away to the door. Thomas doesn't see Alex's face fall as he is led back down the hallway.

"Bye. Love you." Alex whispers to the empty room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that was angsty and feely at the end now wasn't it hahahHAHAHAHA i'm a great person
> 
> again, updates are sporadic and whenever i'm feeeeelin like writing
> 
> daily reminder that chris jackson is Sweet and Pure and all this hate towards him is Unsweet and Impure and makes me mad
> 
> okay bye thanks for reading


	7. i should tell you - rent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> therapy happens ooooohhhhh boooooy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> un-proofread yolo

"Therapy, huh?" James asked before shoveling a spoonful of grey soup into his mouth. He swallows before continuing. "I'm just going to say this - they will try so, _so_ hard to understand what you're going through, and they'll be all like 'I'm here for you' and 'maybe church would help', but really they don't give a flying fuck what happens after you leave that room. They're making money and that's all that matters to them."

Thomas shrugged, grimacing at his soup before shoving it in James' direction. "I'm not doing it for myself."

James picked up Thomas' bowl and poured it into his own. "Even worse. If you're not going for yourself you're less likely to finish sessions - finish _all_ of your sessions, for that matter." He paused. "Who is it?"

"A friend."

James squinted. "Mm _hmm_. Okay."

"What?"

"Just a friend?"

"Just a friend."

"Okay."

"What?"

"I believe you."

"Sure." Thomas said, crossing his arms and leaning back in his chair. 

James grinned. "You don't believe me?"

"No." 

"Why?"

"Your tone."

"What about my tone?"

"It's all 'I know something you don't', you know?"

"I don't."

Thomas sighed loudly, throwing his arms in the air before grabbing his bowl and standing up. "See you later." He huffed.

"See ya', lover boy!" James called as Thomas stalked away.

\---

Thomas took a deep breath, held it, then exhaled before entering the room. It was the same room he'd met Alex in the first time he visited, and it was also the room where he would suffer through therapy with him. _For Alex, For Alex, For Alex_... Thomas repeated in his head as he stepped inside. Alex was sitting in a plastic chair on the opposite side of the table as someone who Thomas assumed was the therapist. She was wearing thick, black glasses, and had her hair in a pixie cut. She had a flower print dress underneath a white coat which Thomas thought was too bright for a therapy session.

Alex looked up when Thomas entered. "Hey." He said shyly, smiling. "This is Alivia."

"Good afternoon, Mr. Jefferson-" Alivia said as she stood, but was cut off by Thomas.

"Thomas. Call me Thomas, please." He said as they shook hands. Thomas sat down beside Alex, Alivia taking her original seat, and Alex gently patted Thomas' leg. It made him jump, but he relaxed into the man's touch after a moment. 

"Well," Alivia said, "I suppose we should get the basic out of the way. It says on this sheet-" She held up a clipboard with a stack of papers on it, "-that you murdered multiple men and women. There's not much else except for gory descriptions of what you did, so we'll just skip those." She said, smiling and trying to lighten the mood. It didn't work. "I want to ask you: what compelled you to hurt these people?"

Thomas thought for a moment, stringing words into sentences before speaking. "My mother." Alex nodded encouragingly from beside him, still holding a hand on Thomas' thigh.

"What about her?" Alivia prompted.

"She always favored my older sister, Anna. If Anna did something in middle school that I wasn't doing then I was automatically a "disappointment" and was going to "fail at life". Anna always overshadowed me."

"Do you think that the stress you were under to be the next Anna in your family is what spurred you on to this lifestyle of violence?" Alivia asked.

Thomas tensed up, then relaxed when Alex squeezed his leg. "I don't really know. I'm sorry."

"Don't be." Alivia said, smiling. "We've made some progress and that's what's important. I am interested, however, in your friend here - Alex, right?"

Alex smiled, _a little painfully_ , Thomas thought. "That is me. I'm Alexander Hamilton, one of the... _victims_ , I suppose, of Thomas' previous lifestyle." 

"Why are you here with Thomas?" Alivia asked.

"Support, I suppose." Alex mumbled. 

"It's good to have someone beside you going through this." Alivia said before checking her watch. "I have to bounce, but I'll see you both next week!" She gathered her things and left, letting the door slam.

Alex seemed to have remembered he was holding onto Thomas' leg, because he reeled back suddenly from Thomas. Thomas looked at him funnily, but Alex just stood up and walked out.

"Bye. Love you." Thomas said to the empty room. The words echoed back in Alex's voice.

\---

The sessions continued for two more weeks before Thomas finally brought up what had happened the first week. Alivia had just walked out of their fourth session when Thomas turned to Alex. "What happened the first week?"

Alex looked confused. "What are you talking about?"

"When you walked out after Alivia and left me all alone."

Alex thought for a second before blushing. "Oh. That." Thomas waited for Alex to speak, waving his hand at Alex when he didn't. He got the hint and continued. "I just... realized something. That's all."

"What did you realize?" Thomas asked. He was probably pressing a sensitive topic, but he didn't really care.

"That the person I'm dating is not who I'm in love with." Alex said after a moment. He said it quietly so Thomas had to strain to hear what he was saying.

"John, you mean?" Alex nodded. Thomas, at a loss for words, didn't have the voice to say what he was really thinking: _Is it me?_

"It's really pretty crazy how we met." Alex continued after the silence extended for too long. "And you'd think that after all that's happened I would've come to my senses about this guy, but every week I find myself in the same position - still in love."

Thomas risked it. "Is it-'

"You?" Alex finished. "Yes."

As soon as Alex said the word, Thomas was standing and leaving the room, swiping salty tears from his cheeks as he opened and closed the door. He ignored Alex's face as he left - shame and disgust at who he'd fallen in love with.

Thomas was still his puppeteer, and Alex the willing puppet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> update! hallelujah jesus


	8. take me or leave me - rent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> feelings are discussed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> all my chapter titles are songs from rent wtf
> 
> literally i never proofread my chapters if you can't tell by now sorry any errors are on me

"Fifth session! How are you feeling today, Thomas?" Alivia asked cheerily as Thomas took his seat beside Alex. He made sure not to bump Alex's knees with his own, or even look him in the eye. Thomas didn't really want to come today, considering what happened last week, but he knew they both had to figure out what was happening between them.

"Good." Thomas mumbled. He could tell Alex was looking at him, but was trying to ignore him.

"That it?" Alivia replied, obviously trying tomake him talk more.

"Yeah." Thomas shrugged.

"That's fine." Alivia said. "I was thinking today we could look at alternate ways for you to release your anger without hurting someone else." She reached behind the desk into a bag and pulled out Sharpies, notebooks, stress balls, and other soft, squishy toys designed to relieve stress or anger. "A lot of my previous patients have found that scribbling or drawing in a notebook, or even on their arms and legs, helps to relieve stress instead of resorting to self-harm or hurting someone else. I brought the squishy toys because they were cute and easier to carry around than a notebook and pens." She laughed. "Have at it, boys! I have some business to attend to around the facility so I'll be back soon." Alivia scooted out of her chair and closed the door softly behind her, leaving the boys alone. 

Immediately, Alex grabbed a red sharpie and a red notebook, opening to the first page and beginning to scribble. Or write, Thomas couldn't tell. Thomas grabbed a purple notebook and a magenta sharpie, flipping the notebook open. He wrote a sentence, then passed it in front of Alex's face for him to read. Alex did the same thing, causing them to both awkwardky sit there with their notebooks shoved in the other person's face. They wordlessly exchanged books, reading what was on the page.

Thomas had written, _Do you wanna talk about last week?_

Alex had written, _**Should I tell John how I feel?**_

"Woah." Thomas said at the same time as Alex looked up from his book. Alex blushed and made an odd grunting noise before scribbling his response into Thomas' notebook, Thomas did the same and passed it back to Alex. They switched to only writing in Alex's notebook.

_Last week._

_**What about it?** _

_You said you loved me._

_**That I do.** _

_Are you going to ask if I love you back?_

_**Make me.** _

Thomas smirked up at Alex before grabbing his face between his large hands and pressing their lips together so hard they might bruise. He could hear Alex moaning in the back of his throat as he leaned down to plant kisses all along Alex's neck, but felt Alex's hand on his wrist when he began to suck. "Can't let John see." Alex panted out. Thomas pouted, but went back to Alex's mouth and slipped his tongue inside. Alex's tongue fought back, and the high that Thomas was riding off of Alex's kisses blurred the events that led to Alex sitting on the edge of the table, Thomas slotted between his spread legs.

At that moment, Alivia walked in, saw what was happening, and ran out, screaming, "That was not one the methods of stress relief on my list!"

Thomas looked at Alex before busting out laughing, Alex doing the same. Eventually, they calmed down, and Alex looked seriously at Thomas. "What do I tell John?"

"Who do you love more, Alex?"

\---

"John!" Alex called as soon as he was inside their apartment. "I'm home!"

John peeked out from behind the wall that seperated the kitchen and living room and smiled. "Hey. How was your session?" 

Alex had told John that _he_ was attending therapy to help with what happened so that John wouldn't suspect anything. "Good. We talked a bit and did some stress relief activities."

"Good." John said, coming out from the kitchen and gently kissing Alex. He frowned. "You smell funny."

 _Shit_. "Oh - uh, it was just the room we were in. Different air freshener than usual."

"But, you always smell like Alex. You've never smelled different after you come home from a session." John leaned in and sniffed again. "You smell like metal and sweat. Alex, where were you?"

"My session." Alex said impatiently. "What are you making?" He said, walking to the kitchen. 

John grabbed his wrist. "Alexander, _answer me_. Where were you?"

Alex yanked his hand away and glared at John. "With Thomas, okay? I was with Thomas - and you know what I realized?" John stared at him blankly. "I realized that I love him."

John continued staring before bursting out in laughter. "Man, you got me _good_ , Alex! Shit, I really thought you were cheating on me or something."

Alex frowned. "I'm not joking."

John stopped laughing. "I'm sorry, what?"

"I'm not joking. I love Thomas." Alex said softly.

John squinted his eyes and furrowed his eye brows. "You know what? Fine. If that's how you feel, then that's how you feel. Just know, Alexander, that when you come crawling back to me on your hands and knees, I won't be waiting up for you. If you're not careful, you'll end up like him, you hear?" John waved his hand toward the bedroom. "Get your shit and leave, please."

Alex paled, a lump in his throat. "Excuse me?"

"Get your shit and _leave, please_." John said forcefully. Alex could see tears welling in his eyes. 

"Fine." Alex said, stomping off to the bedroom.

\---

"Visitor!" A guard said as they shook Thomas' cell bars.

Thomas groaned, sleepily blinking his eyes. At least it wasn't morning. "Thanks." He said, pulling his hair up and slipping his boots on. He had only been taking a nap. As soon as he was out of his cell, the guard walked him down to one of the meeting rooms. It wasn't the one he was usually in, but he still had the usual ten minutes. As soon as he had opened the door, he wished he could close it. Alex was sitting there, puffy red eyes and a quivering lip. "Alex?" Thomas said as he closed the door.

He burst into tears. "J-John kicked me out. H-He said I-I would end up l-like you." Alex whimpered between sobs. Thomas sat down next to him and held his hand soothingly, rubbing small circles into his palm.

"Shhh, shhh, it'll be okay." Thomas said. "Where are you staying?"

"With two of our other friends, Hercules and Lafayette." Alex said, starting to calm down finally. He spread his arms suddenly. "Hold me?"

\---

As Thomas sat down by James for dinner that night, the mere idea of eating sickened him. "Hey, Thomas." James greeted, already grabbing Thomas' tray. "What's wrong?"

"The guy I like told his boyfriend that he loved me and his boyfriend kicked him out." Thomas said, sighing afterwards.

James winced. "Yikes. That's not good."

"No kidding." Thomas said. "Do you have anybody at home waiting for you?"

"I'm asexual and aromantic." James said.

Thomas nodded his head. "Cool."

"Cool."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i would like to invite y'all to read the first chapter of a fic i just posted called baby don't sleep too much bc i like it a lot #spon #sorrynotsorry


	9. ghost - halsey

The door closed behind Alivia at the end of the sixth session as Thomas leaned back in his chair and looked at Alex. He hadn't been the same since John had (possibly) broken up with him. John and Alex's relationship was unclear, but his and Thomas' wasn't. They'd both said their fateful "I love you"s when Alex visited again between the fifth and sixth sessions. Many tears were shed, and many hugs and kisses were exchanged, or as many as you could in ten minutes.

Alex noticed Thomas' staring and blushed. Thomas laughed, reaching out to onto Alex's hand gently, surprised when Alex jerked and pulled it away. "What's wrong?" Thomas asked.

Alex pursed his lips and moved them around for a second before stopping and looking around the room, seemingly thinking of something to say. "Why did you start therapy?"

"So I can be better." Thomas said. "For myself."

"Did you make this decision with me in mind?" Alex asked.

"What makes you say that?" Thomas said, avoiding answering the question.

Alex huffed. "I'll stand outside the door and listen to you rant to Alivia about how you'll leave if I don't show up, then as soon as I come in you calm down and make some excuse, like, "Oh, I got stressed out," or something to that degree."

Thomas nodded his head. "You're a good observer."

"So, I'm right?"

Thomas didn't respond, though that was answer enough for Alex. He stood up and roughly pushed his chair back under the table, briskly walking to the door and slamming it shut as he left.

\---

Alex knocked on the familiar door in his signature pattern, _1-2-3/1-2-3-4_ , hoping the person inside would understand who it was. He heard shuffling inside, a crash, then footsteps coming towards the door. It flung open, John's face knowing. "What'd he do?" John asked, ushering Alex inside before closing the door. When Alex didn't answer, his head hung in shame, John put two fingers under his chin and pointed his head up. " _Answer me_."

" _I'mhismotivation_." Alex mumbled. John _hmmed?_ , indicating he didn't know what Alex had said. "I'm his motivation." Alex said, louder and clearer that time. John smiled as Alex said it one last time, " _I'm his motivation!_ ", voice echoing shallowly in the living room/dining room combo. 

"Good." John said. "I'll only say this once - I told you so. Now, you look like you could use some loosening up, eh? Don't worry, I'll keep you safe..." He said, trailing off as he led Alex to the kitchen.

\---

"Joohhhnnn..." Alex moaned as the man in question stood up from the couch, disentangling himself from Alex. "I _neeeed_ yoouuuu..."

John smirked, a terrible idea popping into his head. "You need me, huh?" John said, voice creeping into a lower register, "How bad, princess?"

"Bad, daddy." Alex panted, grabbing at John greedily.

"Come on, up princess, I'll take care of you." John said as he picked Alex up and carried him to the bedroom.


End file.
